The Emotional Rollercoaster of Parenting a Child With Special Needs Kids Activities Blog
Parenting is a challenge no matter what the circumstances. When you are parenting a child with special needs, the challenges often have to exist taken on with different techniques and a large corporeality of grace!
Today we have Chantelle Paige Turner from Stronger Mommy to talk about her feel of being a mom to an awesome kid.
Bedtime battles
Recently, we've been working with our v year old daughter on understanding the difference betwixt daytime and night time. She used to wake up nigh every night in the middle of the nighttime, and that would plough into hours of meltdowns which ultimately resulted in a lack of slumber for both of united states of america. In an endeavor to not lose my sanity completely, I finally gave in one night and brought her into our bed.
Before you outset to guess my parenting skills in your own mind, let me merely tell you that prior to this moment, I was 100% against e'er letting my child sleep in my bed. I'll even shamefully acknowledge that I internally judged other parents who allowed this. Then I go where yous're coming from if your reaction is non one of empathy in this moment.
Both fortunately and unfortunately for me, my daughter instantly went dorsum to sleep in our bed and I even enjoyed getting to cuddle with her. Sadly, this was not to be a one time occurrence. What had started in my heed as a unmarried dark, where I would catch up on some much needed sleep, quickly turned into a nightly routine. Each night my girl would fall asleep in her bed, merely to wake up effectually 1am crying for me. I would go up and bring her into our room and dorsum to slumber we both went.
Quest for Sleeping in Own Bed
So dorsum to the present, nosotros've been working really hard the last several months to get our daughter to sleep all night in her ain bed. The success of this has mostly come up from helping her understand that when it's nevertheless night out, it'southward still night time and at night time we sleep in our ain bed. Ive been blessed that most nights she's been sleeping until most 5:30 or 6am, which is when I typically go up anyhow. On the nights she has woken upwards and wanted to come in my bed, I remind her information technology'southward nonetheless night time and with some pocket-sized back and forth, she goes back to sleep.
What Virtually the Weekends?
On the weekends, like most Americans, we like to sleep in until 7am or so, but by 6am the sun is up. Our solution to grabbing that extra hour of sleep later on the sun rises and our daughter gets upward? Youtube! That's right, bad parenting moment number 2, we gave our 5 year erstwhile an onetime iPhone we no longer employ then that she tin scout Youtube while nosotros sleep a bit longer.
Hey, sometimes you've just gotta practice what you've gotta practice.
When both parents aren't habitation
Before I continue, it'south important I mention that my husband travels for work almost 80% of the year. He'southward often gone anywhere from virtually 3-10 days, abode for a few days and and so gone once more. At the moment, he's been away for work about 5 days, so this week I get to play unmarried mom.
It'due south Saturday, and then sleeping until at least 6am really shouldn't be an issue. Sadly, the life of a parent is non as anticipated every bit the sunrise. 4am comes around and my daughter is wide awake! I manage to convince her to rest in her room for almost 30 minutes by showing her information technology's however night time out, before I cave and allow her watch Youtube early.
Equally 7am rolls around, and then does the realization that my daughter has been watching Youtube for shut to 3 hours at present and I get to outset my solar day off feeling like a bad mom. I scroll out of bed, go myself and my daughter ready (never an piece of cake job), and head downstairs to make breakfast.
Parenting a child with cognitive palsy
My daughter has Cognitive Palsy (CP), Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), Seizures (though we have been fortunate to be seizure costless with medication for a few years now) and several other notwithstanding to be labeled challenges. I'll save you lot the long version only after a perfect pregnancy, our girl had an in-utero stroke at birth. We spent a full of xi days in the NICU, the offset three of which we had no idea what was wrong with our daughter. When we did finally receive her diagnosis, it was done in the worst way possible. The hospital neurologist, who we nicknamed Dr. Doom and Gloom, painted a very scary and dreary pic of how our child would grow upwardly. At only iii days old we were bluntly told that a big portion of her brain was dead, she would probable e'er struggle to walk and utilise the correct side of her torso, and they had no thought what her cognitive function would exist.
Why Her? Why Me?
Devastated doesn't fifty-fifty begin to encompass it. The first moments of motherhood are already and so overwhelming and this news was almost impossible to process. Thoughts of "why me? Why her? Why us?" along with the terrible feeling of thinking it was perhaps somehow my fault. That I ate the incorrect food or didn't become enough practise. Truth be told, I didn't even know babies could have strokes! I had footling knowledge of CP and we didn't know any friends or family who had a child with special needs.
Unexpected Abilities
With this multitude of conditions, some which we learned at birth and others afterwards, nosotros were behind on almost all of her milestones. She never crawled and didn't walk until she was about 2 one/ii years old. The amazing thing is, that fifty-fifty with all of these setbacks, at iv years old at present she'south able to go up and down our stairs on her ain (while property the railing), but today she did the entire staircase without holding onto anything! I was both amazed how much her balance has improved and terrified that she would fall and I wouldn't exist fast plenty to grab her. My own fearfulness or not though, this is a huge milestone celebration for us! While most parents of mainstream kids might just naturally assume that their kid will practice this, it wasn't even an choice that crossed my listen. To say I was on could ix, proud parent moment, would exist an understatement.
Now comes one of my redeeming qualities. I make a hot breakfast for her almost every solar day! #ParentingWin
Dance Course on Weekends
I've already mentioned it's Saturday and every Saturday at 10am, my daughter goes to a dance form. Every bit a side note, I was very fortunate to find a trip the light fantastic grade that was willing to piece of work with her unlike abilities and happy to have us in their programme.
Back to today though, we actually have a pretty good showtime to our morning subsequently recovering from the 4am wakeup. Breakfast goes smoothly instead of the usual pestering her to swallow for 2 hours. I get her hair done with merely a minimal amount of distress, if you lot have a daughter y'all know what I mean here, and we actually manage to exit the house on time! Which is also not usually an piece of cake task.
The Daily Parenting Rollercoaster
Back downwards the emotional hill however; is the short car ride to dance class. We get in the car in a bully mood and less than ten minutes later nosotros're getting out of the car with me tossing out empty threats well-nigh not going into class and going back domicile instead. Never a proud parenting moment but I'll sadly admit that I am an empty threat-aholic. One short and very public parking lot statement later, I manage to become my daughter into dance class but a few minutes subsequently information technology's started.
Upwardly, Up, Up
I now have an hr where I don't have to requite 100% of my focus to my daughter. I still have to stay in the vestibule of the trip the light fantastic toe studio and then information technology'due south not really an hr of free time, just I become to sit with other adults and surf Facebook without intermission, so that'due south typically a loftier for me.
As class ends and my daughter and I head to my machine, I'grand thankful to notice that at this moment, she's in a good mood. Afterwards trip the light fantastic form is always hit or miss. Sometimes, similar today, she is all smiles and actually listens pretty well; while other days are instant meltdowns that leave me feeling humiliated in front of the other parents.
So back my high emotional moment where my daughter is now in a good mood. I think quickly on my feet about how I tin can actually make the most of this good mood, since I take several more days before my husband comes dorsum into town. We're depression on groceries and I know my girl likes to get to the store, though she often makes me regret bringing her, so I decide that nosotros will finish at the shop on the way home.
She's all smiles, even lets me sit down her in the cart without a fight, and we really have a pleasant shopping experience. And so much so in fact that when she sees the balloons and asks for one, I decide to reward her skilful beliefs and get it for her. Sadly, just like a real rollercoaster, y'all can but climb so high before your coaster machine glides over the border and yous brainstorm plummeting back toward the earth.
Down
What started every bit a reward quickly turns into a driving hazard and a game of "express joy and don't listen to mommy" while I attempt to navigate traffic with a giant balloon floating around my car. Any try on my part to become my daughter to keep the balloon out of my line of sight, is rewarded with her boot my seat, screaming at me, pushing the balloon more than into my way, etc. My frustration grows but equally I get the car parked in the garage, we seem to have plateaued a bit.
Now nosotros're inside the house and it'southward simply nigh 12pm. I accept ii choices. Endeavour and spend the next ii hours feeding my daughter lunch and fighting with her about taking a nap until information technology actually becomes also late for her to nap at all and we both end up grumpy, or skip dejeuner & go directly toward the nap. She had a big breakfast only a few hours ago so I decide to effort for merely the nap. I know that will still exist a boxing but at least if we outset earlier, I might really win with plenty fourth dimension to get an hr or and then of peace.
To my surprise, getting her up to her room and even out of her dance clothes turns out to be pretty easy! I'm riding high again and in a expert mood as I requite her a few hugs and kisses and tuck her in for her nap. I knew information technology was as well good to be true though and boy was I right. I'll spare yous all the aroused and frustrated details merely go out you with this… Over an hour subsequently and at one of my lowest points of the day, she's finally asleep at 1:30pm and I become to gloat past eating my lunch in peace! Truth be told she'due south really outgrowing naps at this point simply I'll admit to selfishly not existence prepare myself to let her surrender nap time.
Much Needed Break
I let her nap for about 2 hours and I use the time to clean upwards effectually the business firm, organize, get some work and laundry done, you know… mom chores. I wake her upward at 3:30pm to find her in a surprisingly good mood and make up one's mind on the spot to see if she wants go to the park for an hr.
Up, Upwards, Upwards
I don't take her to park often as we alive in a place where most of the year it's likewise hot to really become out an bask it. I also don't personally dearest the outdoors but that makes me feel like bad mom, so I'm really trying to make more than of an effort to let her go out and play. Now that information technology's jump hither, it'south under 70 and the perfect weather to spend an hr or so outside.
She's thrilled by this idea and getting gear up to go proves to not only be easy, but likewise a low stress activeness. I desire to bulldoze to the park (information technology'south about a fifteen infinitesimal walk away since her CP means that she can't walk very fast) but she insists on walking and I cave with her promise to behave and mind. High once more we have a fun time at the park where I button her in a swing for an hr, but even while I'thousand having fun, I'm besides having an internal mental battle.
My 5 twelvemonth onetime is in the baby swing at the park. You know, the one that has leg holes and a full torso surroundings and so you tin can put a babe in there and they won't autumn out as you lot push them. It's not condom for my daughter to swing on the older, flat black swings, as there is nothing to continue her from falling and she tin can't hold on well on her right side. This leaves the only swing option, every bit the baby swing. We're lucky in a sense that she's a very pocket-size 5 year old and actually still fits in the baby swing, or I'g quite certain I would be describing a meltdown correct now.
At first, we're the only family at the park and I'm having fun merely basking in my daughter'due south happiness as I push her swing. I mentioned it was really nice out though so as y'all would wait, other families begin to bear witness upwards at the park as well. Most of these families have kids around my daughters historic period and earlier too long, it's back to feeling low again for me. This fourth dimension though it's not considering of the dynamics between my girl and me.
The Reality of Comparing
I know we're non supposed to compare our child to someone else, simply no matter how hard I try not to, I still practice information technology. I see a child my daughter'south age or even younger who can ride a tricycle (my daughter tin can't) or who can climb a jungle gym (mine can't exercise that either) or swing in a standard swing, and I mentally collapse back into a low spot. This time it's not because of an argument or fruition, it's envy.
I green-eyed these parents who don't have to wonder if their child volition ever be able to do these things. These parents take 100% confidence that their child volition. To them, it's a natural progression of their child's life. Merely not for united states. As amazing and strong willed and adamant as my daughter is, and as much as I try to never put a boundary on her and assume she can't do something; the truth is that she may never actually exist able to climb a jungle gym or go across the monkey confined.
It's trivial really because these types of activities don't determine who she volition be at all. Information technology'southward just some kids having fun. I know one meg percentage that I am And so blessed to have her in my life. My daughter is past far the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's fabricated me a better person in so many ways that I could never list them all. She's smart and determined and beautiful. She radiates happiness and at but five years old she has a deeper understanding of dear than most adults.
I am and then grateful to take her in my life and as you lot're reading this, I don't want you to mistake my envy in moments similar these, for anything other than the fact that I am human being. I don't need or want any pity, in fact, most of the time I'yard the lucky the ane! But that irrational part of ourselves e'er thinks the grass is greener on the other side.
In the end, we have our fun at the park and go far back home with a minimal corporeality of coercion. Nosotros have a relatively pleasant dinner together and even hang out on the couch earlier it's fourth dimension to go ready for bed. Our bedtime routine is a rollercoaster all on its own, probably much like yours is, but nosotros manage to fit in a little cuddle time before I actually get her into her own bed. A few more than ups and downs, hugs and kisses, and by virtually 8:15pm she'southward comatose.
My work for today isn't over. There's even so laundry to fold, dishes to wash and work to be done, all before I turn into bed myself around 10pm. I know I'm not alone. I'm non the just mom of a child with special needs or even mainstream, that feels this way; though I do call up that when parenting a kid with special needs, our rollercoaster tends to have a few more twists and turns than the rides other parents might exist on. In the end though, we're all on the ride. Sometimes nosotros're at the top of our game and other times we feel similar full failures.
As I ride this emotional roller coaster, the thing that helps continue me sane and go on me going, is making sure that I take fourth dimension for myself. That being a special needs mom is not what defines who I am, information technology's but a part of my life.
Chantelle Paige Turner
Stronger Mommy
Chantelle Turner began her online entrepreneur journeying shortly afterward having her first child. During this fourth dimension she was also working hard to become her daughter the medical services and back up she needs, due to complications at birth. Equally she found ways to aid her own girl, she realized many other parents who had kids with special needs, were not getting the support they needed either. With her learned internet and marketing skills, she founded her company; Stronger Mommy. Stronger Mommy aims to 'Empower parents who take kids with special needs, to live a life beyond limits'. Stronger Mommy does this by helping special needs parents focus on taking care of themselves so they can then get the resources, services, support and customs they demand for their kids. In less than 1 year, Chantelle built a community of over 2900 special needs parents, who she now empowers and supports; and that community continues to abound
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What is your best tip for existence helpful to a family that has a kid with special needs? Comment below!
Source: https://kidsactivitiesblog.com/123361/parenting-child-special-needs/
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